Homesick
I'm homesick...I'm not going to lie. I'm not too proud to admit that I miss my family and friends. I get confused when I realize that everyone's life is still going on even though I'm not there. =) I thought the world might stop and wait for my return. OU's football season started without me. My dad turned a year older without me. He didn't even wait for me to have a birthday dinner...how rude?!
I am not conceited enough to think that everyone would put their lives on hold for me. But being away has reminded me who is important in my life. I was hanging some family pictures in my room the other day and a friend noticed and started asking (in broken English) about them. I pointed to my mom, dad, sister and her 3 kids, naming each. She said, "Your mom looks smart. She looks like you." Smart=Well dressed or good looking (They got it from the Brits, I think).
She started trying to ask me questions about my family, so I reciprocated and asked about her family. I had been told that she lives with an older sister. She confirmed saying that she lives with her sister because her sister's wife (meant husband) was dead from genocide. I asked about her parents...she said that they were dead. I knew the answer I was about to get, but I asked it anyway...I asked if they were killed in the genocide. She said yes and dropped her eyes to the floor. I just don't understand--I can read the books and watch the movies and it isn't as real as someone sitting in your living room telling in broken English that the only family she has left is a sister because everyone else is dead.
I ask myself sometimes why I am here, is that weak? I listen to Air1 radio online to hear music and voices that are familiar and news about things going on in a world that I used to be a part of. My roommate and I talk about going to Sonic happyhour and getting a Cherry Diet Dr. Pepper on the way home from work and then sigh because we know we are so far from the nearest Dr. Pepper. =) I miss Mexican food and fountain drinks.
A friend from my first trip here is visiting on holiday from university. He came to our youth night on Friday night and said he wanted to tell me his testimony. He told me of being so low he thought there was no hope in his life and then God showed him love, answered prayers and lives fully in his life now. I am homesick, homesick for a place that we can all be together, forever living fully with God.
"I close my eyes and I see your face. If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place. Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow. I've never been more homesick than now. In Christ, there are no goodbyes. And in Christ, there is no end. So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have To see you again" Homesick by MercyMe
God is good all the time and all the time, God is good.
I am not conceited enough to think that everyone would put their lives on hold for me. But being away has reminded me who is important in my life. I was hanging some family pictures in my room the other day and a friend noticed and started asking (in broken English) about them. I pointed to my mom, dad, sister and her 3 kids, naming each. She said, "Your mom looks smart. She looks like you." Smart=Well dressed or good looking (They got it from the Brits, I think).
She started trying to ask me questions about my family, so I reciprocated and asked about her family. I had been told that she lives with an older sister. She confirmed saying that she lives with her sister because her sister's wife (meant husband) was dead from genocide. I asked about her parents...she said that they were dead. I knew the answer I was about to get, but I asked it anyway...I asked if they were killed in the genocide. She said yes and dropped her eyes to the floor. I just don't understand--I can read the books and watch the movies and it isn't as real as someone sitting in your living room telling in broken English that the only family she has left is a sister because everyone else is dead.
I ask myself sometimes why I am here, is that weak? I listen to Air1 radio online to hear music and voices that are familiar and news about things going on in a world that I used to be a part of. My roommate and I talk about going to Sonic happyhour and getting a Cherry Diet Dr. Pepper on the way home from work and then sigh because we know we are so far from the nearest Dr. Pepper. =) I miss Mexican food and fountain drinks.
A friend from my first trip here is visiting on holiday from university. He came to our youth night on Friday night and said he wanted to tell me his testimony. He told me of being so low he thought there was no hope in his life and then God showed him love, answered prayers and lives fully in his life now. I am homesick, homesick for a place that we can all be together, forever living fully with God.
"I close my eyes and I see your face. If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place. Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow. I've never been more homesick than now. In Christ, there are no goodbyes. And in Christ, there is no end. So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have To see you again" Homesick by MercyMe
God is good all the time and all the time, God is good.
Hi Jamie,
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure if we know each other but somehow we are connected on Facebook. Your entry caught my attention because I completely understand what you are going through. After finishing college, I went (alone) to Malawi, Africa - which is a 3rd world country - to work in an orphanage. I knew it was God's calling for my life at that point but was still TERRIBLY homesick while I was there. I missed my family and friends soooo much and, like you, missed some of the comforts of home. I don't know if it will help at all, but I thought I'd let you know that there is someone else out here who knows what you are going through. I am still glad that I went, but it was VERY hard to be on the mission field without my family. If you ever want to talk, I am here. The best way to contact me is via Facebook.
Love,
Laura McClain
OKC, OK