I confess I've been paralyzed by fear and safety

I believe there are two things (among many), but two specific things that the enemy has used to paralyze me as a Christian: fear and safety.

Recently at our Bible study, one of the ladies, Sylvia, was facilitating our discussion and she wanted to have a video ready that she could show.  I pulled up this video of an interview with a man who had lost two of his brothers in the February beheadings. The interview started and the brother began with saying how he was thanking ISIS because they didn’t cut off the part of the video when his brothers and 19 others were calling out to the name of Jesus before they were beheaded.

He was thanking ISIS?

Anger took over my mind and my heart. If someone were to kill my family like that, I did not know how I could possibly be thankful about anything regarding the people who did that. Anger was all I could see.

Then the interviewer asked the brother about their mother. He wanted to know how his mother would react if she saw some of the men who killed her sons. The brother replied that she would thank them. He said that he has asked her the same question and his mother, the mother of two of these Christian men who were beheaded for their belief in Christ, would invite the men in for dinner at her table and thank them for ushering her sons into Heaven.

I was still angry and very confused. Maybe it was curiosity, but I wanted to see the video they were referring to. After a little searching, I found it.

Several men in black were escorting 21 men down the beach. Eventually they were on their knees, being told they were about to be beheaded because of their belief in God and Christ, crimes against ISIS. Then the men were laying on their bellies with the men in black standing over them and they began beheading them.

I cried. I tried to close my eyes, but I just kept seeing the faces of my family members. The video ends with the water running red from the blood of the men who were just beheaded. I cried more.

I went back to the original interview and listened again to the mom and her son thanking ISIS for ushering their sons/brothers into Heaven and how proud they were of their brothers.

I’ve been thinking about this and reading some other things that have prompted me to challenge my belief of fear and safety. I don’t know exactly what happened so these particular men were caught and beheaded. Were they praying publicly? Were they just known for their faith? Would I be known for my faith? If ISIS came to Rwanda, would there be enough evidence against me to kill me for the “crime” of believing in God and Jesus.

I hope so. I pray so. But is that enough?

There is something that God has been grooming me for, putting on my heart, challenging me to step out and set some things into motion, reaching out to some people are in need of hope. When I started telling people about this boldness in my faith, I was met with cautioning messages..be safe, make sure you are safe, aren’t you afraid something might happen..

I was confused. This was not the message of the mother who just lost her sons.

So I wonder, when we hear of someone who is stepping out in their faith in a way we consider “unsafe”, should we respond with something like, “Oh, I hope you die because you are living out your faith so uninhibitedly. I pray people mock you and that you suffer for the name of Jesus. Oh, my friend I will surely see you in Heaven if this happens.”

Why have I become so attached to my life that I am not willing to do something dangerous in the name of Jesus? Why am I afraid?

Why would I want to live 80 years in a body that has no scars or stories of overcoming my fleshly fear?

I believe God is real and that He is who He says He is and that He will come back some day for those who believe. So what am I afraid of? Losing my life? Big deal. It’s just temporary anyway, right? Why not use my body and life for the fullest everyday? Why do I question when people step out, doing something on the edge of not being safe enough? Or cautious enough? But haven’t they considered the consequences of their actions?

I have a few friends who have taken in children into their homes who they call their children and have full rights in their homes as their children, but the government doesn’t acknowledge them as their children. This causes hardship, some worry and fear; people question their motives. But in that worry and fear, should they not accept these children into their homes? So it makes their lives harder. Jesus doesn’t say, “Come to me all who want an easy life with no worry and no hardships.” He does say, “There will be hardships, but take heart because I have overcome the world.”

I worked for a clothing store one time that had a motto, “Go for No’s”. It meant to make sure you offer someone a million pairs of jeans and twelve million shirts and try to get as many No’s as possible, because there will be a lot of Yes’ in there and that’s how you will make money on commission. I didn’t like this philosophy. I thought it was rude and contradictory to what I knew of being kind and not pushy. Why shouldn’t we go for No’s in the world’s eyes?

If the world says this is how I should live and this formula will give me success, shouldn’t we go against that?

Jennie Allen says in her book Anything that we all put our feet in the world, we wake up every morning and put our feet in the world, but we don’t live in it and we shouldn’t use the world’s standards as our standards if we are truly believers.

The world questions why someone would sell everything to live in a culture not their own and not make enough money for savings or retirement. Or take a position that isn’t building my resume or getting the next big title on my business card, so I can pass it out and impress my so-called friends. The world doesn’t understand why I would do that. But I thank God that the world questions me, so I know I’m not living of this world.