I have to keep my feet on the ground

For all the Gen Xers who know the quote, "I have to keep my feet on the ground" because you repeatedly watched the movie Never Ending Story as a child, thank you for screaming it out with me as you read it.

For everyone else, there is a movie called Never Ending Story about a little boy who reads a book and becomes a part of the story. Early 80s, very cool. But two lines have been running through my head for the past month, the childlike Empress calls to Sebastian, "Bastian, why don't you do what you dream, Bastian?" and Bastian responds, "But I can't, I have to keep my feet on the ground."

I have two friends who have both blogged or told me personally to fly recently, jump off the cliff into whatever Jesus is opening up for you unashamedly and without reserve. Now, even though I live in Rwanda and some may think that I, too, am one of these dreamers. Let me assure you, I am not. When I do something I am going to read the research and know as much as I can about what I am walking into. 

Yes, I might jump off a cliff or two...or three, but it might surprise you to know that I have googled the history of those cliffs to get the proper trajectory for said cliff jumping. I will have bought every book I could get my hands on (and may have only skimmed, but yet own each book) and will make sure that I have proper cliff jumping clothes and equipment. I want to do it right and to do with my full potential and anything less is unacceptable.

My friend asked, "What are you afriad of?"

My response, "Failure!" I hit the SEND button before I had a chance to stop this confessional that is about to make me vulnerable (we were texting). "I don't want to fail, I don't want you to fail and I don't want to see anyone else fail."

I don't like failure and have recently admitted to myself that I have a fear of failure. ("Shocker" said anyone who has ever played a game or competitive event with me.) I don't like to lose and have been known to quit game if I can't win. I don't like to fail.

My friend, Amanda posted this in her blog:

"Reason may win truths; without Faith she will retain them just so long as Satan pleases." C.S. Lewis

That quote makes me crazy to think that my fear of failure, or having to reason everything in my own internal dialogue could be the enemy keeping me from flying, or getting out of the boat. I wonder if I had been sitting in that boat when the storm hit and suddenly Jesus appeared and said to me, "Come" and I hadn't had a chance to google other people who had walked on water or information about that particular lake or storm. Would I get out of the boat?




This song hits me in so many ways and each day I hear it, depending on the situation, it continues to hit me.
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters 
Wherever You would call me 
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander 
And my faith will be made stronger In the presence of my Savior

I want to keep my feet on the ground AND I want to sing these lyrics with all my heart and believe and act on them AND I want to keep my feet on the ground.

And that my friends is the conflict of my flesh and spirit. I have no perfect resolve of how I have overcome this, because I haven't yet. I'm still a hot mess in progress and don't worry...I will be the best hot mess around!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Spiritual Coasting and God's Vomit

In my opinion, and of course this is my opinion because this is my blog, but I believe that the general church-going population believes that as a missionary, I am always on this mountaintop spiritual "high". That I am always seeking God because I have moved so far from home and my family. Let me dispel this rumor, this is not true. Just like in America, my spiritual walk has peaks, valleys and plateaus. There are times when I see God working and moving in such tangible ways that I sit back and worship and praise His name. I pray so fervently that I become physically tired. Our team takes time to pray every week for various things, but always seeks God's guidance and leadership over us. And there are times when I see a situation and I pray real hard and I don't see God moving and I look to the sky and ask, "Where are you? Creator of the universe, who can make all things happen and controls the movement of every star, why aren't you moving in THIS situatio...
Read more

My confessional: I hurt most of the time

This is something I rarely talk about, much less write about. So buckle in, I'm getting vulnerable here. When I was young, up through high school, I was very active. I played softball, golf, any activity at youth events. If there was activity, I was there. During my senior year of high school, I noticed a lot of pain that I just couldn't describe, it was just all over. We were talking with my local college about playing my freshman year as a walk-on with the softball team, but as the heat of the summer kicked in, it wasn't an option. I remember the heartbreaking moment for me admitting that I had hit my limit. I could still play recreational ball, but competitive softball was over for me. At the beginning of my sophomore year of college something was very wrong, but again, I couldn't explain it; I just hurt all over. I had to sit out a semester of school and my mom was on a mission to find out what was wrong. I was having blinding tension headaches and I constantly ...
Read more

Untitled ramblings

Image
I'm not giving this a title, because I'm not sure what to call it yet...this is just going to be some stuff that is in my head. Maybe no one will read this and I'm just getting some stuff out of my head and on paper (digital paper..give me a break). It's a little longer than usual, so be patient. I have been sick over the last 8 days--sick in bed. It gave me some time to do some reading, some thinking, some movie-watching and a lot of sleeping. Being sick a million miles away from home stinks. Can I be honest? Well, of course I can, this is my blog. It stinks big time. I got a pretty common bug here, giardia, a crazy micro organism that lives in your small intestines. I included a picture because I think it looks like the thing on the Matrix that they pull out of Neo's belly button. I really wasn't "sick" I just had no energy and just felt really lethargic. I have some other bugs that we will start medicines on once I finish the medicine for the g-...
Read more